2AM - 죽어도 못보내

This MV I dedicated to someone special who birthday at 20.10.2010 [nice date 20102010]... I wish this someone special a great great [greatest] ahead... Happy Forever...

I will keep your "determination" and "+ve +ve +ve" in mind... with it.. my live will keep on motivated....

Finally, a simply quote for you... "True goodbye are the ones never said or explained"

Thanks MOM + DAD

I'm thankful because I have a very supportive family.. I love you all [my dad, mom, little sister, elder sister and bro in law].... Thanks for my parent that brought me up nicely so that I am who am I today...

Even though I'm still nobody to everyone but I know I'm somebody in you both... Even though I dont consider have any big contribution to the world... but yet I'm still satisfy with it... Thanks to my sister that accompany through my journey so far....

After I failed this latest relationship.... my mom's respond really give a little surprise... One day my younger sister told me this :-

Younger sis : you know sis, y'day i called mom, she told me that to look after you [put my eye on u]
me : what? mom said this?
younger sis : yeah... she said, you should be sad after the broke off.. so ask me take care you...
me : wow... hehe..
younger sis : i told mom that... no worry sis la.. she very happy now.... can eat, can walk, can run, can laugh, can sleep...

When my sister told me this, I feel really touch... my family quite traditional type... So many things we didn't express it out... My dad dont even question over me... my mom very support when I told her the news... I'm glad that respect me...

All the time I told them I want to be single and wish to travel around the world... They support along the way... and never question when I want to settle down.. Yup.. I know what even they support me.. but they also wish can see I find my Mr Right... That's why when I brought "HIM" to meet them, they very happy....

After this fall, I really clear on my life direction...

1st - After "Break"

This is my 1st post under "relationship" after my failure...

It is "hurt"? not really... It is "sad"? not really too... but why seems so "down"?

Like LOST somewhere? like lost in the middle of jungle, cant find the way out...

Anyway, this failure once again proof to myself that, I really cant adapt into two peoples world..

Probably a curse to me...

No matter how hard I try, no matter how wish to survive.. Its just cant work out...

Sometimes, my Devil will laugh at my Angel.. "You enjoyed your life so fully for the past few years !! Why so stupid still want to fall into men's hug again?"... its quite torturing to heard the laughter...

Need to stand up again after this fall really not that easy... huh !!

Out of sudden, I fall in love with this book "Men from Mars, Women from Venus !!"

I salute old days people whereby they very stick to each other no matter what... Once be together meaning whole life be together.. No matter how many downs still will be together... Doesnt look like nowadays people... tend to give up when there cant way out at the down time... That's why nowadays we still can see old people like our grandpa or grandma still can hold hand until now....

Finale !!

Since there was introduction, content and I should conclude this "relationship" topic nicely...

Errmm....

Actually I dont know whether I still consider myself in relationship... I doubt whether I should still include HIM in my life... Why so? Many of my friends told me ask HIM to "get lost"... whereas I still choose to wait... Why so?

1st - He told me that he busy with work. We didn't meet up for almost 4 months.. Convincing for you? Not so? How busy? Arrived office around 8am and arrived home at around 11.30pm.. everyday [Mon-Sun - even public holiday]... But able to go vacation for 3 days with no contact at all with me... able to accept?

When I asked HIM why so busy? what so busy? when it will be ended? He told me "soon" but yet I'm hearing this for past few months...

So answering my "why so?"... I cant be waiting you forever as I didn't see you acting on something... Promise without an action is just bullshit...

2nd - I'm still waiting because I feel its a LOST if its ended like this... I'm trying to re-build the relationship... Fate bringing us together... I hope we can determine our own FATE too...

Along the way, I found out we dont have any in common but why there is an electrical shot? Our perception towards life is so different... Our hobby is so different... Our liking is so different... Our mindset also too different... Only photography is the connection... I did raised this matter up but you convince me that this is not a barrier... Our life will be more lively due to differences between us...

We had a good start... progressing quite well.. we understand, tolerence and compromise each other.... But now its seems "break down".... Its seems I'm the one move in whereas you standing still... I'm quite tired already...

I missed our time together... enjoyed the laughter together... I still BELIEVE we can... Do you?

Finally - APPRECIATE all you have before it LOST... Dont LOST then REGRET... Spend time with your loves one... Life too fragile and too short.... Not say you busy. and delaying everything. time wont stop and wait for you....

Give you an example - If NOW, you receive a call from my family telling you that I met an accident and died at the scene.... Do you think "BUSY with WORK" still will conquering all your time?

Finally my turn to fall "SICK"

"U" been sick for almost a week... slowly in the recovering process.. really feel myself a real failure.. unable to take care "U".. dont even mention unable to see "U".. I only able to remind you to take care.. take wisely on your food consumption.... haihzz... I really miss "U".. we been apart day by day and I dont even wish to think back how long already.... Dear.. wish Ms. Healthy will follow you all the time..

Finally, my turn to fall sick.. just a little headache and fever due to rain.. really scare to have fever as I dont like "COLD + HOT" feeling... dont know its hot or cold.. and my forehead very heaty.. I'm trying my best not to fall down.. but unfortunately.. unable to stand it.. I know "U" will be worry about me if i fall sick.. at this moment.. just take care.. and recover soon...

The sick of "U"

"U" fall sick terribly for the first time..

I feel really sorry coz unable to take care "U" or even by at your side... But I know "U" will be taking care well by your mother.. This is how lucky that can be at home which outstation people like me unable to experience it...

I only can remind "U" to take your medicine on time... take your food wisely..

Dear.. I'm sorry.. "U" need to take care of yourself..

Get well soon...

"Am I that lebih?"

This was posted at "UR" facebook... I know what it mean..

Since I'm "in relationship".. I really dunno how to balance between "U" and she.. why cant both of you have fun together? must be one of you giving me the face? I really tired in between... REALLY TIRED.... I'm trying my best to balance it..

She said I got no time for her?... "U" said why cant she be independant and let us have more privacy? how can I pleased both of you? Both also important for me !!!

Before this, she is some sort my another half.. whatever we do, wherever we go.. we together... she got very less frenz and can said almost zero.. and same to me 2... she accompany me .. i accompany she... Since i'm attached.. i less talk to her.. dunno why she give me SHIT face... I'm patiently talk to her.. patient take all her shit face...

Same goes to "U".. whenever we three together.. I really dunno why we three cant walk together? talk thing together? must be either "U" or she give me hard time.. you both really testing my patient.. I really trying my best to cope this situation.. I really dunno how already?

How? I'm in the middle... where should i stand?

Am I wrong being "in a relationship"? Am I wrong being a good sister? Am I wrong?

God damn !! what should I do?

Beside this, you always said i didn't share things to you... sometimes, those topic just brought out like that... without a second thought... communication is involve both parties.. not just because one person want to tell.. then the conversation can goes on...

I just want to enjoy my life without worry... I just want a simple life only.. simple till anything also can.. Why just cant? why? why couple must argue this and that? why be in relationship must think this and that? Am i that stupid asking this kind of question? why cant just happy happy and happy everyday?

One thing for sure is.. I really glad i met "U" [as happy as I started blog about "U"].. I really do hope we can work this relationship out and be forever... I told "U" before.. we are happy couple.. dont because of small small stupid things. make it worst...

I LOVE U...

p/s : previously I can blog it freely about my feeling.. when in relationship.. i cant blog it freely as i know "U" goin to read it.. I only blog most of the happy things or put it as private blog.. but this one I really wish to publish it... if anything i said wrong.. I'm sorry...

Thanks "U"

First time felt sick in front of "U"..

Its happen yesterday [24/03/2010]. Early morning woke up, I felt my throat so pain and a bit fever.. Wanted to MC but thinking of work then cancel that mind.. so get myself dress up and ready to office.. feel dont want to inform "U" but scare later u get angry.. coz I dont want to bother "U" that much.. But I better be honest..

Arrived office, my sickness increasing so no choice but seek for doctor advice.. Never thought panel doctor will issued MC.. But doesnt feel want to apply that MC as my section doesn't seems enough ppl to support.. I feel that I quite "pening" and "U" insist me to MC so ok la..

But never thought you taking half day leave because of my little sickness.. I'm really happy that "U" concern about me that much.. at the other way, I'm worry that am I that worthy for "U" to do that? "U" taking care me very well.. I feel myself giving you much trouble..

I feel i'm top of the world.. feel the happiness around me.. "U" really bring joy to my world !!

Me & "U"

Its been more than a month (12th Feb 2010) I be with "U"..

I can say its a good start due to we both willing to give each other "chance".. Really a "test and try" only.. but both of us willing to take this risk.. At beginning, this relationship doesnt come easy especially for me... As I doesnt cope well in Couple world.. I complain alots which I felt I lost my FREEDOM..

But along the way until now, I think its more harder for "U"... "U" are guiding me very well so that I can enjoying in OUR world.. "U" are really on top of my world..

Ours most of the things doesn't in common.. YES, I agree also that nothing is common.. Its all depends how both communication and adapt to each other.. that's why TOLERENCE & PATIENT take places.. We both learning from each other [but i feel i'm learning from "U" - that's y I feel so low]..

Slowly, we will have a lots in COMMON.. especially PHOTOGRAPHING..

Thank you for entering my CLOUDY's life..

I City Shah Alam

Date : 12th Mar 2010
Attendee : me & "U"

First photo shoot with "U".. hahaha.. doesnt purposely show you how good am I in photo shooting.. not that good but not that bad.. hehehe.. but not up to can handle the DSLR camera la... shooting just for fun only...

I City located at shah alam.. its quite a HOT topic recently... take a look the photo below then you will know...

(Wish all will found their HALF soon !! as I found "U")






(I found "U" among all)


(I'm so lost but "U" found me)




(I almost reaching !!)

Hope this place can maintain very well.. Its a nice place...

1st Dinner with "U" and my parent !!

Well, nothing so shout out for 1st dinner.. But just want to blog as a memory !!

This restaurant quite famous at my kampung and the price, we consider as reasonable but for KL people is consider cheap.. Luckily "U" said nice.. coz different people got different taste !! Waiting for one hour is worthy? hehe !!

I saw Jia Yu's host - Faye, had dinner at this restaurant before.. Real person not so pretty as in TV.. hehehe.. Anyway, this bill is for 5 persons.. so OK or not?

Am I Ready?

I spend a very nice weekend with "U" at my hometown.. To show "U" another side of me..

First time bring bf back to meet my parent.. Very nervous but yet excited.. Not only my parent feel happy for me but almost all relatives.. why? because everyone thought I will stay single forever.. But suddenly my Mr. Right appear.. this is call TIMING..

"U" are really steady when question by my parent and relatives.. I can see you really ready and well prepared.. "U" really able to give them the feeling - some sort like assurance to my parent that "U" will take care the rest of my life without worry.. and I do feel that my mother already CONFIRM "U" are the one..

But yet am I ready? will I perform that steadiness in front of "Ur" parent? I'm really nervous.. Anyway, no matter how nervous and not ready, time will come also.. I need to face it.. Be brave and most important is be natural..

My hectic schedule !!

I'm not good at organize my time.. Whatever come first, that's is my priority...

I think i'm still not get use with two peoples world.. I really need some time to adapt into this lovely world.. All these while, I'm alone [single] I feel free [well !! doesn't means NOW i'm being tied up].. Previously, whatever I did, i dont need to take anybody into my consideration.. Wherever I go? Whatever I do? However I talk? Whichever I act?..

Its another level of LIFE.. which I'm being waiting for.. Being SINGLE quite some time.. and everybody see me as a no leg BIRD [wish to flying up up the sky] that dont wish to stop... Y do people do have these kind of impression towards me? Actually all these years, I'm travelling here and there, meeting up a lots of people, I do enjoyed.. I do think - will I spend my entire life alone? As my Mr. Right not appear, so I start to think - it is my Fate? well.. let the nature take it cause.. So my only focus is TRAVEL..

As age increasing.. my feeling of hoping a relationship is slowly faded.. Age increasing meaning opportunity decreasing.. But suddenly "U" shining in front of me.. make my world so bright.. The timing SEEMS so perfect.. I thought I'm ready but yet I'm not prepared..

Now I'm in relationship, I cannot act, talk or go wherever or whatever I wish.. [not really lost freedom - but certain level of RESPECT].. I know "U" will think "why friend seems more important?" But those friends really a good good friends of mine which I know them quite some time.. and very very seldom meet up [once a year].. These really hard to make it balance.. When I'm single - i got plenty of time but none of them come to me... And now, I'm got "U", they all come to me at once.. Beside these, I also need to allocate some of my time for my family [the most important - my priority]..

I really wish "U" can understand me and be with me go through these period..

p/s : i'm not sure is good or not to blog it out publicly or should I make it private?

Its Complicated !!

In Relationship... really sound good.. But in fact.. want to maintain a relationship is not that easy.. Really involve alots of tolerance.. even though the Give and Take doesn't really balance.. But but.. at least have to be balance in mentally..

I need to consider the other Half's feeling whatever I act or talk.. Because once simply.. the consequences will be HUGE.. Its seems like I'm starting to lost MYSELF... in the middle of the jungle, like goin nowhere... where am I suppose to be???

Afraid of losing "U" but more afraid of losing "MYSELF".. being involve in two peoples world.. doesnt really mean I need to sacrifice my own "LIFE"? Certain level of control is needed but please be reasonable.. I'm adult.. I know what am I doing.. I know where is the "LIMIT"... If you dont trust me.. Then i really dunno how to proof it to you... Its you no confident to yourself..

"U" also have know where is the my "LIMIT".. dont test my patient.. I'm appreciate your care.. but when there is over means really exceed my patient...

Please be considerate where I'm standing...